| by Glenn J. Downing, MBA, CFP® |
I’ve always loved language. I won both the English and Spanish prizes at my high school graduation. The turn of a phrase, or change in meaning a comma can make, have always fascinated me. For this post I’m gathering a few expressions I thought my readers would enjoy.
I’m dedicating this post to my colleague Jose Diego Gonzalez – JD, as most everyone knows him. From time to time I’ll use an expression he’s never heard, and I have to explain, it, and we all have a good laugh. I don’t plan these things – they just pop out.
Northern Expressions
Here are a few one doesn’t hear often in South Florida:
- “It’s colder than a witch’s tit outside.” Never having had close proximity to a witch’s tit I really can’t comment, but all expressions seem to arise from somewhere.
- “You’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell.” That place is reputed to be quite hot, so a snowball wouldn’t last long. The meaning is that this is a lost cause.
- “How about a politician trying to change Social Security? That’s the third rail of politics.” Subway trains are powered by a third and electrified rail. To touch this rail is pretty much instantaneous death.
- “Your eyes look like two piss holes in the snow.” After a bender, maybe?
Passé Expressions
Some expressions are now passé and no longer appropriate. You might have received a gift certificate in a birthday card — of course, they are now gift cards with balances that actually expire if you don’t use them!
One of the businesses we need to call has in its hold message: “Please hold the line . . .” What line? There are no more lines. It is all digital.
“That and a token will get you on the train.” Old New York City expression. It used to be that to ride the subway you’d put a token in the turnstile. The usage: whatever point you just tried to make is meaningless.
“That’s no way to run a railroad.” Uttered in disgust at someone else’s incompetence.
“Just like New York.” A reference to something that is the latest and the greatest, as was/is found in NYC.
“Now we’re cooking with gas.” All is going smoothly.
Expressions that amuse me
We never had to wonder what my Italian grandmother was thinking. If she perceived someone was putting on airs her comment was, “As if her shit don’t stink like mine.” And the corollary was: “She thinks she shits ice cream.” Pithy and to the point.
“This guy thinks he’s so important he can pick his nose in public.” Self-explanatory.
“Useless as tits on a bull.” Now that’s pretty useless. There’s a corollary that I myself made up: “Useless as a carburetor in a Tesla.“
Britishisms
I could go on and on with these, but I won’t. I’ve been assembling a list of my favorite British expressions as well. Have you run into a stroppy cow lately? Maybe she wasn’t the full shilling. Or maybe she’d just been made redundant. Or needed a few hours’ kip. I’ll save these Britishisms for another day.
