by Glenn J. Downing, MBA, CFP®
Things I promise never to do (in no particular order):
- I’ll never dye my hair or moustache or goatee. Looks ridiculous on a man, IMO.
- I’ll never wear shoes with Velcro straps. Never is a long time, but so far so good.
- I’ll never wear horizontal stripes. Haven’t since I was about 10.
- I’ll never wear socks with sandals.
- I’ll never wear one print on my shirt and another print on my shorts.
- Even if I’m entitled to one, I’ll never drive with a handicapped placard hanging from the rearview mirror.
- I’ll never wear black athletic shoes as a substitute for black dress shoes.
- I’ll never wear black socks and black shoes with shorts.
- I’ll never carry the wife’s handbag. She knows this. Pro tip: bring along an empty shopping bag, drop the wife’s handbag in that, and then it’s all good.
- I’ll never wear a toupee. It is what it is.
- I’ll never fall asleep in my car while in a parking lot, nor in a mall seating area. Looks feeble and pathetic.
- I will never, ever, ride a grown-up tricycle.
- I will not wear 20-year old clothes just because they still fit me. They don’t.
- I will not drive in the left lane, going slowly, with my blinker on. (That’s New England speak for turn signal.)
- I will never, ever, grow a ponytail.
- I will never, ever, wear an earring.
- I will never ever wear pink. Gentlemen do not wear pink, nor do they wear diamonds.
- I will never lead off a conversation with complaints about aches and pains.
- I will not use a fanny pack.
Let’s make it positive
Now let’s turn it around to the positive. Here is a list of things I promise TO do as I get deeper into the winter of my life:
- I will continue to bathe frequently and wear fresh clothes each day. This includes frequent shampoos. Nobody likes a smelly old man.
- I will wear clothes that actually fit me and that are current in terms of cut & style and are age-appropriate.
- I will continue to be interested in the people around me, and curious about what they are doing.
- I will continue to read widely and avidly.
- I will continue to grow, to expand, and to enjoy each day and all the people around me.
- I will endeavor to remain current with technology.
I’ve really put myself out there, haven’t I? Remember, I was a retail manager for many years, so in terms of clothing, fit, and style I know what looks good and what doesn’t.
And women? I can almost hear my readers clamoring to know what my thoughts are for women. Not being a stupid man, I’m not going to go there. But I will offer up two – and only two – helpful suggestion: Never ask your husband to hold your handbag. Please see above. And no, that dress does not make you look fat, so don’t even ask.
Can you think of anything to add to the list? Remember, this is personal to me. You can develop your own.
